Why did the Teletubbies forge their vaccination cards?

Look, the question isn’t whether the vaccine cards the Teletubbies display in a tweet from Teletubbies HQ are forged. All you have to do is look at the date of the second vaccine: July 22nd, 2021 — that is, two weeks in the future. The question is what they hope to accomplish.

There’s more. Check out the dates of birth listed for the Teletubbies: all in 2003. The Teletubbies premiered on BBC2 in 1997. Famously, in 1999, Jerry Falwell condemned Tinky Winky for being gay. The original run ended in 2001. The Teletubbies are old enough to drink! A birthdate of 2003? Who the fuck do these creatures think they’re kidding?

Look, I babysat my younger siblings while they watched the Teletubbies. I’ve had my eye on that Sun Baby for years — the Teletubbies’ god-king, who rules the psychedelic, rabbit-infested, post-apocalyptic word of these creatures. The careful rituals of appeasing the Voice Trumpets and containing the troubles of their misbehaving vacuum cleaner (“Noo-Noo”) are not foreign to me. I just want to know what the plot here is.

There is one other oddity. It appears to be based on an American vaccination card, issued by the CDC. The dates on it are also rendered American style (month, day, year) instead of UK style (day, month, year). Is this a terrible plot by the Sun Baby to confuse UK children? Should we expect a future in which the UK switches to American date style?

I don’t know what this means, but I don’t think it bodes well. Who can know what the Sun Baby ultimately wants? We never did learn why the Teletubbies worshiped it. Perhaps it is looking for more followers — and these vaccination cards are just the beginning.